GENTLER LIGHT

After 4.5 years in semi-seclusion, caused in part by a physical inability to move, or socialize, or be far from home, I have learned many things. I have learned that giving up all that I was, including all I was doing, was vital for my soul, and vital for growth. From gazing long hours out of the window at what was going on in the sky, and later what was going on the ground gave me signs of what might unfold in the future. Lying down for hours a day enlightened me to an horizontal reality where birds fly and butterflies flutter; silence brought forth awareness of other realities of consciousness; and contemplating these have led me forward. In Italy there is a growing movement of men and women called to solitude and prayer who have taken up residence in abandoned churches to live a simple life but with their computers by their sides. Thus the 21st century way of contemplative life! In my slow recovery of strength and clarity, I step in to embracing a contemplative, organic way of living introduced to me through illness, as the signature of a new future. It has just taken me a few years to realize it, and will take me years to write about it but I have begun.

My closest guides during these past years have been the Creator and nature: my greatest teachers, Jesus, Mary and wildlife. Writing is still a central way of expressing ideas and much has been born from this long gestation. A few books are unfolding and poetry has become a primary instrument and a source of great nourishment. Perhaps because of the curtailment of talking, or impatience that accompanies illness, expressing much with as few words as possible became an experiment that forced me to abject honesty and pinpointed truths. Too, poetry has opened a door to one of the greatest treasures available - beauty. Where else in literature can beauty be found in its finest art? Where can nature's beauty - and the human heart - be more formally captured and expressed? For myself, I was to find in the ugliness of suffering the subtle beauty of vulnerability, the strength that God reveals through weakness, the truths that Jesus exposes over time and the slow, cyclical process of healing that goes on invisibly within the dark, damp earth of oneself.

A few fresh shoots are pushing up now and I desire to share them. By spring 2011 a web-log on Contemplating Jesus will be launched which I trust will be a resource for those wishing to deepen their love and knowledge of the Lord. A narrative pastoral poem and other books will be shared electronically including works in progress.

When I was in Calcutta many years ago researching and interviewing for Mother Teresa's "A Simple Path," one of the Missionaries of Charity sisters close to Mother -- after giving me permission to proceed -- said "Go do something beautiful for God," a term Mother Teresa frequently used. It brought tears to my eyes because it was a reminder that whatever I was doing, or hoped to achieve, the intent behind motivation and manifestation must draw from this one purpose alone.

LMV